Advice and Counseling

The other day I was having a conversation with my wife about giving advice to friends, and the bewilderment, exasperation and even sometimes anger that can arise within us when our friend refuses to follow the advice we give. Then also today another friend expressed a similar bewilderment, so I thought that possibly others might benefit from what I told them. Take from this what you may.

I used to get upset when I'd give advice about what I say I would do (assuming when actually faced with that exact same situation that I would actually do that) and people didn't follow it.

Then I realized two things. First, it isn't about me. It's about them. A person can only ever do what they are capable of at the very moment of every decision they are faced with, and they will only ever choose the option that they are capable of choosing given the person they are at that very moment. A person will never "choose" otherwise because events in their lives have shaped them into the person that makes the choice they make, and no other. Speaking the truth as you see it isn't enough. You must also speak it without judgement, and without attachment to the outcome. To do otherwise creates suffering.

The second thing I realized was that, as much as I think I might understand another's life, situation and motivations, I really don't, because I didn't have their experiences exactly the way they did, and that furthermore, believing that I knew better was an illusion at best.

Now, when someone tells me about their problem, I listen first, and sometimes that is really all a person wants, to be heard not "fixed".

Then if I have an idea of how they might better their situation I will ask if they need advice first before giving it. Then, even if they say yes, I always assume that they might not have the will or desire to follow that advice because they feel they know their situation and capabilities better than I do...because they are correct. To do otherwise would mean that when someone else tells me to do something I feel will not work, that I should still do it and ignore my own warning bells.

The best advice I was ever given when dealing with *any* situation I got from a shamanic seminar I attended once, and can be summed up as follows:

1. Be present in the moment. Distress over the past and worry about the future do nothing but cripple our ability to live an authentic life of fullness and wholeness.

2. Know yourself. Your own experiences, prejudices and emotions play a larger role in how you relate to people and situations than you may realize.

3. Speak your truth without blame, judgement or criticism. Nothing destroys communication faster than a willful disregard for another's "placement".  Everyone fights their own battles.

4. Have no attachment to the outcome. Be open to the possibilities. Doing so will avoid worry over the future, as well as avoid suffering caused by too great a desire for specific outcomes.

Don't Forget The Hoop

Being a pagan immersed in British Isles lore, I have had to answer the question of the use of animal parts such as fur, hide, and bone.  Many feel that it is not ethical today to use such things in a practice that aims for healing and wholeness.

I have my own reasons why I continue to use animal parts, and this article, linked below, by a traditional drum maker highlights some of them.  I happen to have a synthetic drum, owing mainly to circumstance more than the ability to choose at the time, and my drum and I have been on many an adventure together, but I stand by the idea that animal parts can be and are used today in an ethical manner by many people worldwide.

Personally, I feel that the idea that there is *no* ethical way to use animal parts, is to denigrate my ancestors, their struggles, their wisdom, and their capabilities to balance the worlds of Life and Death, of the Seen and the Unseen, and I refuse to do that.  Some give me the argument that just because our ancestors did something, that doesn't mean we have to continue to do it.  It actually amazes me how often I hear this, as though the person thinks they are the first person ever to have the opportunity to tell me this, as though I've never heard it before, but I would rather follow the ways of my ancestors as closely as I am able, rather than have tons of fossil fuels burned on my behalf to bring vegetables to me out of season from the other side of the planet.

I also find that those of European descent from industrial Western cultures seem to be chastised for using natural hide skins for their drums and other ritual items more often than other ethnic groups, which could be taken as indicating some racism, because if white people "should know better" then shouldn't everyone else? If other ethnic groups get a free pass because they "don't know better" then that is both racist and well as insulting to their ancestral wisdom. If they get a free pass because of tradition, then that is yet another attempt at both romanticizing their culture, putting them in the "noble savage" role, as well as denying European-descended peoples their own ancestral, cultural traditions as shown in the archaeological record.

In the article linked below, the author requests of us, "don't forget the hoop".  Don't forget the circle of Life and Death.  Please take a moment to read the article. I also ask that you, now and in your daily life, not forget the hoop.  Ask yourself *exactly* from where come all the things that you use.  Are your shoes made of fake leather, manufactured from petroleum?  How many animals suffered a loss of habitat for you to acquire those synthetic shoes, shirts, belts, CD's and CD cases, strawberries out of season, etc.?  Find your balance. Be a guide, but be one without blame or judgment. Let others find their balance.  Get out of their way, because you can't force your balance onto another.  It just doesn't work that way.

Ethics of Hide Drums

The Truth of The Deathless and the Sacrifice of Life to Life

Life is a web, forever weaving and dynamic, not a mountain with a peak. Consciousness is a sphere, with all points equidistant to the center, not allotted more to some and less to others like some cosmic pyramid scheme. All things are alive, because all things are conscious. All things are conscious because consciousness pervades all things, and does so equally. All things are beings.

In all of Nature, life is taken to preserve life, all life is sacred, and all life is equal. All life is equally precious. All. From the largest of animals, to every person, down to every blade of grass and pebble and grain of sand, all life yearns to live. So should we all conceive of it. Such should be our perception as well.

This speaks to a great responsibility placed upon what we choose to birth into existence. Does that idea benefit life, or does it encourage needless death or suffering? Does that organization promote the good for all of life, not just for some individuals? Does that piece of plastic really need to be created?

When you can feel the loss, and the awe of the sacred immensity resounding in the depths of your soul, at the death of the tiniest green growing thing as much as you feel it for a human life or that of an animal, and when you can feel the certainty of the debt to life thus created, then you will only have begun to perceive the truth of the oneness of things, and the sacred equality of which I speak.

Understood this way, every moment becomes a sacred moment, with no escape into the "ordinary" to be possible, no escape to the belief that this-and-such a moment is profane and only that-and-such a moment is sacred, and every death becomes a sacred sacrifice and a promise to return a gift fully given. What will that sacrifice call forth for you?

Do the implications of this make you uncomfortable? Does your discomfort make it less true, just to make you feel better?

Core Animist Values

These values, which I have adapted from Tom Cowan, are core values, found in many societies and practices, worldwide.

§  The animist knows all things are alive and spirit-filled, and related to her through the divine structure of creation. All things are, therefore, responsive to heartfelt prayer, petition, and pleasing.

§  The animist asks animals, plants, and natural features to help her live more respectfully of their lives and the life of the earth itself. She meets some of these fellow creatures in her dreams, visions, and daily life, and they have become friends.

§  The animist does not look “out there” for the Sacred. She finds its presence and the highest of spiritual values upon the Earth, beneath the shining stars, in the cycles of the sun, moon and seasons, in the woods behind her house, in the creeks and streams, lakes and rivers just outside, in the birds at the feeders in the backyard, in the shadowy movements in the forest.

§  The animist does what the seasons are doing and lives in harmony with each moon and season’s unique rhythms of light, weather, temperature, growth, movement, decay, stillness, and darkness.

§  The animist uses gifts from nature, such as feathers, antlers, bone, stones, branches, flowers, leaves, firelight, water, clay, soil, the wind, and shadows for spiritual work and play.

§  The animist loves the land that birthed her and nurtured her and continues to hold part of her soul, calling her to return now and then to walk it, hear its voices, and breath its many fragrances. She also knows and loves the land where she currently lives, and she honors and respects its features, wildlife, and spirits with whom she shares this land.

§  The animist stands humbly at the end of a long line of ancestors who have gone before her and without whom she would not be here. She has met some of them. They take an interest in what she is doing with her life, for it is also theirs. It is a sacred trust.